Weaning

When I was pregnant my hope was that breastfeeding would work & that we would make it to at least a year. He came out nursing like a champ, and I was a milk cow. We made it to one year, and I thought well let's just make it to two. At around 18 months, I stopped pumping and he did a switch over to regular milk during the days, and nursed at night & on weekends. By 20 months, we were down to only nighttime nursing. At 24 months, I decided that we would do child led weaning, and then I started taking Zoloft again. After a month, I went back for an evaluation and we decided the Zoloft really wasn't helping. Cue the need to wean as there are no other medications that can be taken while breastfeeding.

I started having nightmares in early January. They were horrible visions where I was being kept separate from Séamus. Someone or something was hiding him & preventing me from finding him. It was heartbreaking. Took me almost two weeks and a conversation with my friend in Texas to realize that they stemmed from having to wean the boy. I was afraid that this would separate us forever. It is a symbolic end to his babyhood. He is my great big boy, but this makes it more real in some way.

We have been working on it slowly with reducing the number of times a night he nurses and the duration of each session. It has been working. Tonight is the last night I will nurse my son. We are at a crossroads from which we can't turn back.

I have breastfed for 2 years, 3 months and 4 days. Au revoir my nursling.