Growing up I was active in dance and swimming. I rode my bike everywhere, skated or walked when the bike wasn’t feasible. I was a healthy kid. Even when puberty hit, and I got these child bearing hips I was still comfortable with who I was. Then something happened in high school. I started to be self conscious of my big butt and breasts. I felt fat. I went through two bouts of borderline anorexia. Lunch would be an apple and a small Pepsi. I wouldn't eat much more. I was depressed, and had suicidal thoughts. The raging migraines didn't help. I kept going through college where I continued to feel more insecure about my body, which wasn't helped by not ever having any dates and the belief that I wasn't attractive to the opposite sex. By the time I hit grad school in 1997, I was over 180 pounds. The year before I had my son I was at an all time high of 225, and finally worried about my weight. That was 2003 when I discovered Jazzercise, and decided to try portioned eating. In that year, I gained some of me back, and lost 25 pounds. The same 25 pounds I gained while pregnant, but because I continued with Jazzercise and my portioned eating (bbq chip craving the exception) a week after giving birth I weighed 9 pounds less than when I got pregnant. It was amazing.
In 2005 when my son was 8 months old, I moved from an area I loved to a new job close to my family. It was a big change, and a stressful one. Four years later, I was depressed, and feeling like I had no worth at all after losing my job. It was compounded over the next year as I applied for jobs in state and out within my field, which all the job aid people told me I needed to do. There was nothing out there for me, and then in the middle of this my friend Sarah started about this awesome thing called Beachbody and an amazing drink called Shakeology. I was still unemployed, drinking soda like it was water, and gaining weight every day. Something struck me though as I continued to follow Sarah, and when she was having her second child I signed up as a coach. I was unemployed for another year, but despite the horribleness of that I know it allowed me to establish the road to a better, healthier me. It hasn't been all rosy. I struggle to stay true to my food choices, and I don't always win the battle. My weight goes up and goes down. I stress eat, and I deal with some chronic health issues that prevent me from exercising on occasion. Yet each day I make a commitment to myself and my son to continuing my fight for a healthier, longer life for both of us.